Healing Your Holiday Grief

Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D. | TAPS Advisory Board • November 29, 2022

If you could go back in time and relive a special holiday, which one would you choose?

Close your eyes for a moment and think about this holiday. Now, slowly, walk through this memory in your mind.


What made it so special? What were the surroundings like? Who inhabits this memory with you?


Holidays have such rich associations for us because humankind created them as a way to honor and celebrate that which is truly important. We step out of the hustle and bustle of our day-to-day routines and into a world where our spiritual beliefs and connection to others matter above all else. We give pause to give thanks, and we share of ourselves.


As the Grinch learned that memorable Christmas, the holidays don't really come from a store - they come from the heart and soul.


Which is why when someone loved dies, the holidays can be so very painful. The heart of the holidays has been torn apart. Without love, what is life? Without the people we love, what are the holidays? I want you to know that you can find continued meaning in the holidays and in life. You can continue to live and love fully. You must grieve, but you can also celebrate.


Setting Your Intention to Heal


It takes a true commitment to heal in your grief. Yes, you are changed, but with commitment and intention you can and will become whole again. Commitment goes hand in hand with the concept of "setting your intention:” Intention is defined as being conscious of what you want to experience. A close cousin to "affirmation;” it is using the power of positive thought to produce a desired result. 


How can you use this in your journey through holiday grief? By setting your intention to heal.


Turning to Ritual


Setting your intention to mourn and heal during the holidays - and beyond – is one important way to move forward in your grief journey. Harnessing the power of ritual is another. We create holiday rituals because everyday activities and normal conversations cannot capture our most profound thoughts and feelings. Rituals give them voice and shape. So, we decorate our Christmas trees, light our menorahs, give gifts, hold hands, and say prayers.


During your time of grief, the very rituals of the holidays can help you survive them. Try participating in some of your normal holiday traditions but with a focus on your grief. When you light candles in your home, do it in honor of the person who died. You might also create a special holiday ceremony or private ritual in memory of the person who died. The holidays are ritualistic and ritual can help you survive (and heal) right now. Remember this when you are considering whether or not to participate in your next holiday tradition.


Living in the Now


Return once more to the holiday memory I asked you to conjure up at the beginning. This memory is so special to you because you were so very present to the moment. When your grief overwhelms you this holiday season, try focusing on the now. Your grief wants you to live in the past through memories of the precious person who died. Remembering is indeed important, and your memories will always be a special part of your life.


Your grief will also project you into the future at times. You will worry about what the coming months and years hold for you. Looking ahead is also a normal and natural part of grief. 


But when remembering and projecting exhaust you - and they will - return yourself to the present moment. Concentrate on what is going on around you right now. Hear the sounds and see the sights. Try drawing on the power of now to find continued meaning in your holidays and in your life.


You'll notice I have used the generic term "holiday season:' By that I mean the winter holidays bookended, in the United States, by Thanksgiving and New Year's Day. In between are the spiritual/religious holidays of Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa. But whatever holidays you celebrate and no matter where you live, the principles apply to the holidays that are most meaningful for you - including other holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries sprinkled throughout the calendar year.


Click here if you want a ready-to-print PDF version of this post.


A List of Ideas to Heal Your Holiday Grief:

About the Author: Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D., is the founder and director of the Center for Loss and Life Transition and a member of the TAPS Advisory Board. This article is excerpted from his book, Healing your Holiday Grief: 100 Practical Ideas for Blending Mourning and Celebration During the Holiday Season, published by Companion Press and available at centerforloss.com.

By Park Memorial April 2, 2025
My Dearest Daughter, as I write this letter, I can already feel the weight of my absence pressing upon you. There is so much I wish I could have told you, so many moments I wish I could have shared with you. But now, as you face the daunting task of being my Executor, I realize how much I have failed to prepare you for what lies ahead.
By Park Memorial March 25, 2025
Being named the executor for a loved one is both an honour and a significant responsibility. As you step into this role, it is understandable to feel overwhelmed by the myriad of tasks and decisions that lie ahead. While the process can be complex and time-consuming, it is essential to approach it with warmth, empathy, and unwavering professionalism.
By Park Memorial March 21, 2025
At the heart of our daily operations lies a deep-rooted pride in being a Canadian family-owned and operated business. While other funeral homes in Canada are owned by US corporations, we are proud of our Canadian heritage.
February 21, 2025
Embracing Grief, Finding Connection
By Mike Cameron November 5, 2024
What does it mean for a man to grieve “Correctly?” Better question… “Who gets to decide what “correctly” looks like for you? According to grief experts like Dr. Alan Wolfelt, there is no one-size-fits-all model of grief. All of our journeys are unique. And while I know this to be true, the reality is that most men I have spoken to feel a lot of pressure about how they are supposed to grieve.
By Park Memorial September 10, 2024
Attention Edmonton community! The Canadian Mental Health Association - Edmonton Region is pleased to announce the relaunch of its impactful Youth Suicide Grief Support Program, starting tomorrow! This vital program is designed to support youth aged 12-25 and their families/caregivers who have experienced a loss due to suicide.
By Park Memorial August 29, 2024
When a child is diagnosed with a critical illness or suffers a critical injury, their family’s life shatters into pieces. Parents and siblings are catapulted into new terminology, clinical discussions, hospitals, treatments, huge changes, and fear along with the child in care. Families who receive ongoing care for their child or children at the Stollery Children’s Hospital know this too well.
By Park Memorial August 2, 2024
Park Memorial recently added Aftercare Specialist Sarah Kucharski to our team of funeral professionals. Her role is to make the aftercare process of completing forms and applications, and closing a loved one’s estate a little easier; she walks beside each of our families to assist with these tasks after the funeral. She comes to us with almost 20 years of experience as a Licensed Preneed and Aftercare Specialist. Park Memorial is a full-service funeral home, therefore Sarah’s care is included in our professional services to each family that we care for.
By Park Memorial August 2, 2024
A will is a legal document that reflects your end-of-life wishes and values, and it can provide peace of mind and clarity for yourself and your loved ones. Having a will is important because it allows you to decide who will be charged with managing your estate (your executor), such as overseeing your liabilities, who may take care of minor children and who will inherit your assets.
By Park Memorial May 17, 2024
As the sun sets on our incredible event last Friday, we find ourselves reflecting on the profound journey of self-discovery and empowerment that was The Strength Within: Balancing Life, Loss & Chaos. Over the course of the day, we witnessed remarkable transformations, forged deep connections, and witnessed the extraordinary power of resilience in action.
Show More
Renovations in progress at Park Memorial Edmonton - Click here to learn more.
×
Share by: